Grief - Loss Of The Self 

Right now we are grieving. I’m not speaking of those that have died because of the corona virus, although my heart goes out to them and their families.

I’m talking about you and the life you used to have, it’s gone! it changed dramatically, practically over night! and for the time being who knows for how long or if things will ever be the same again.

Loss of life can be agony, grief generally covers five types of phases or personality types.

1) Denial

2) Anxiety 

3) Depression

4) Anger

5) Acceptance

Denial
Let’s not think about it so we can’t feel it, because the feeling is too painful or unsettling, bury it. Lets carry on as if everything is normal and generally help others so as not to feel ourselves. You’re not fazed by anything, you move on unfeeling.


Anxiety
constant worry, stress and fears for the worst, pessimism, the fight or flight mode activated continuously which causes insomnia, palpitations, breathlessness, high blood pressure to name a few. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.


Depression
Numbness, sadness, overwhelming sense of hopelessness, what’s the point, it’s all futile. No energy, no interest in own future. Suicidal thoughts.


Anger
Raging inside, no sense of control, no one understands me, verbally or physically lashing out, stop the blame game. Anger feeds anger.


Acceptance
Honesty within oneself, the here and now, feelings nurtured, feeling safe, nourished, strength, moment to moment living, embracing who you are and where you are, faith. 

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Loss is a part of the human experience. We don’t like change and we certainly don't like crises, we are biologically programmed to avoid it, we like routine and the familiar so when crisis and loss happens we need time to work out a new terrain, we can not hold on to our old ways. Very few people feel comfortable immediately in a new situation but the “different” feeling subsides and becomes the norm in time, that’s acceptance and from here comes strength and faith in the new life.

You have a choice.

  • Denial types can efficiently deal with the realities of a situation once they allow themselves to see it.

  • Anxiety types can use their discernment to choose what to focus on and when to act.

  • Depression types can direct their profound understanding to the people and situations around them and create support for action.

  • Anger types can use their passion to create and devote themselves to new ways of being.

Gratitude
At this time be grateful, there's a silver lining and that is we have been planted firmly back to basics of what's important, health, family, food, home, community, love.

Build a more authentic life, learn to love and care for yourself and others, keep a journal of dreams, thoughts and feelings, make new friends online, exercise, dance, sing, garden, create, meditate go within, watch films, learn, teach, play, sleep, laugh, cry, heal.

Engage in patience, kindness, generosity and compassion, and most importantly don't look back take each day as it comes, your new life has begun.

"Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, no one was there", Author unknown.

 

Kim Alexis